to rise and to fall
by Schwerelos
Summary: what if the blue battery never reached that mountain top? and Saint Walker no longer had it in him to believe? Inspired by the wonderful Red Lantern!Saint Walker fanarts.


"_Red Lanterns? Here?"_

"_Your path does not endure vengeance, Saint Walker. Climb."_

"_No, Wise One, these beings destroyed my world and many others. They cannot be ignored."_

"_They are not your concern. Climb."_

xx_  
_

"_Why would you do this to me, brother? Do you want to teach me there is no hope, there is no savior?"_

xx_  
_

"_I will fight the Red Lanterns, no matter how many of them may come!"_

* * *

He had wanted to believe in something better. he had wanted to believe that good will overcome, that there was something else out there that would help them, that would not leave them alone. He had wanted to believe that he... was not alone.

But he was.

He reached the top, tired, breathless; he looked around-and found nothing. He didn't know what he had wanted to find up there. He just knew that he had been tricked-he felt as much. He had been cheated out of his chance to fight the reds, to do something against them to, dare he say it, seek his own revenge. After all, they had taken everything away from him.

He had wanted to believe that there was another path. That he did not have to lead the way of hate. But there was nothing else, nothing else for him, nothing else to believe in.

He climbed down.

It took him more to reach the bottom of that mountain, ironically. He should have been eager to go and follow the red lanterns, to take matters into action, but he actually felt empty, so empty. He felt as if nothing made sense anymore. he had been clinging to hope for so long that now that he realized he had been foolish in doing so-he felt heartbroken. Mogo tried to dissuade him as he climbed down, as he made his own way towards the Red Lantern ship-a ship, he sadly realized, he recognized. So they had been defeated. That made it clear to him-he had been so naive, so... idiotic in trying to believe in something else... he didn't know what it was any longer. He just felt tired, empty, broken and the only thing that kept him going was the sight of that ship in the distance, where the creatures that had taken everything away from him were.

**xx**

He didn't know he had it in him. As soon as he noticed the Red Lantern Leader -Atrocitus- he felt something in him growing stronger. Once it would have been his faith, he knew, and it still hurt him to feel that void inside him. He could not believe any longer. No, he knew, this was something else. Something he had never allowed to engulf him. he felt angry, so very angry, angry and sad and desperate and alone, so very alone. He had nothing left, nothing at all. He had but this moment, this chance to turn things around, to take something back, even if what he had lost could never return to him again. He knew it, he wasn't trying to deceive himself any longer. So he just charged against the mighty Red Lantern, charged against him and hit him with everything he didn't know he had. He hit him once and again and even if Atrocitus struck back, he still charged again and again, feeling his anger and desperation growing more and more inside him; his once hope-filled heart so empty and craving for something to hold on to. And so he let anger engulf him, he let anger drive him and he hit with all his might until he saw the Red Lantern on the ground.

He was tired. Weakened. He had managed to hurt his opponent but it was nothing compared to what he had done to him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to be done with him and everything already and stop feeling this horrible pain that still felt so new and fresh inside his heart.

He had but seconds before Atrocitus rose again; he knew he couldn't win. He dared not believe in anything else ever again, not even this, no matter how hard he would like to think it so. He wouldn't give up though, not yet, not even if it meant his own life because it was either this or living in a world without hope, feeling nothing but this pain and this loss and this... hate.

He hit Atrocitus again, finally feeling how all his walls inside him broke apart and felt them being washed over by this overwhelming sense of hate. It was sort of electrifying, how it gave him strength, how it made him stand, how it made him forget for a moment that he was tired, so tired and so weak and that each punch only made his knuckles go a bit more numb, but he didn't care, oh he didn't care then, not any longer. He felt how it drowned his heart and his soul and consumed him right then; his spirit so maimed and defenseless without his beliefs.

Something blinded him. A red light appeared, shining ever so bright above the two of them. Atrocitus smirked, this wasn't what he would have expected but it wasn't a terrible outcome at all. Saint Walker just stared, confused, astonished; how could he ever be worth of wearing a ring of hate? But he knew, he had nothing else, he knew. He had clung to his faith, to hope for so long and now that he no longer had that-he had been so weak, so weak, not only in strength but also in spirit. And yet, it made sense. Yes, it was the only choice. This had to be the way. He had nothing else.

He reached out, he took the ring. And then there was nothing else but the fire of hate in his heart. It reached out to every single part of him and left no place for anything else. If he had not been so blinded by this powerful rage he would have felt his heart breaking more and more with each moment, all of what he was and used to be losing itself to leave nothing but pure, unadulterated hate.

And it felt right.

At least, it didn't hurt any longer. Not in that way.

Atrocitus stood up, smiling that vicious smile of his, thinking of maybe welcoming a new brother into his corps. But Saint Walker would have none of that. He gathered every single ounce of rage-empowered energy and focused. And then he let it all out. Atrocitus didn't see that coming. His face was twisted in shock as he fell, not quite believing that his new 'brother' would have attacked him like that, right away.

**xx**

He flew into space.

He embraced his new power, liking how it numbed everything else inside him, not wanting to think about anything but that fire burning his soul.

He knew this had been but a chance of luck-he was surprised he had managed to escape at all. Atrocitus would rise again and look for him and he would be ready. He would defeat him. He would have his vengeance.

He would set this right. Even if the path he had hoped for himself would have to be this one, even if he already felt himself losing to this hate-it would have to do.

He smiled a bit, a cruel, cold smile, at this, at his fate, at his old friend-at the irony of it all, as he flew away and beyond.

It would have to do. He would make sure of it.


End file.
